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Her Aesthetic CrusadeShe paints a world of crimson midnight,
and you watch the sanguine colors drip down her skin.
Wilted rose petals stain her wrist scarlet,
and canyons are carved deep in porcelain flesh.
"Battle scars," she tells you simply with a flick of the paintbrush,
meticulous as she resumes her sanguine masterpiece.
"Have you won?" you ask,
though you already know the answer.
She smiles fondly and holds up the tormented easel,
for all to see the newly wrought crevice of flaming burgundy.
"How can one win this war against the burning red, my friend,
when you can barely win the battle against yourself?"

Nobody Told MeNobody told me,
How to act.
I wish I knew how much was too much,
or when too little was not enough.
If somebody told me,
that the small things meant the most,
and the big things were forgettable;
Where would I be today?

Nobody told me,
Who to love.
What came of the people I knew
and who were the people I would have known?
If somebody told me,
that I HAD the perfect person,
or that I am with the wrong one;
Would I be able to live with myself?

Nobody told me,
How to feel.
Is what I am feeling right or wrong,
and which should I act upon?
If somebody told me,
that I was being overly obsessive,
or that I should have let go:

I am not a stereotypeSlide the blade across your wrist.
Again.
Again.
Again.
Stop.
"Doesn't it hurt?"
I can't feel anything.
"A little."

Punch your own stomach.
Harder.
Harder.
Does it hurt yet?
Yes.
Keep going.
"Why do you do that?"
The pain makes me feel alive.
"I don't know."

Stare.
Cry.
Scream.
Stop.
Keep staring.
"What's wrong with you?"
I'm dead inside.
"Nothing."

"Emotional freak."
I'm just depressed.
"Sorry."

Stare at your arms.
Your stomach.
Your waist.
Your thighs.
"What are you doing?"
I'm ugly.
"Never mind."

"Attention seeker."
I just have low self esteem.
"I'm sorry."

Cuts.
Scars.
Tears.
Emotions.

"Emo."
"Sc

146. i don't love you (yet)i love the mornings when i wake up
and think of you,
i love the moments in the sunlight
when your smile becomes
illuminated,
i love the commas & spaces in your
voice when you speak,
i love the fireworks in your heart
that electrify every kiss,
i love the way you grace my throat
with your soft lips
just enough to tingle,
i love the feeling whenever you're
around or even near,
i love the roses that you've given
playing sweet scented
melodies in the wind,
i love the how you seem to make so
many of the

ForgivenessI daydreamed about you today,
and saw you thinking clearly and seeing yourself objectively,
like a ghost looking back on life,
realizing that your behavior had not always been for the best.

It was just a fantasy, I know,
my mind conjuring a vision of the way I wanted you to be,
but not how you were.

You wanted me to be other that I am,
to do things like other people,
in order to fit in better and do well in life.

I often wished you were otherwise, too.

So if love is acceptance,
should I feel guilty about the lack of it?

Or should I remember the way I could crack you up by antics at the dinner table,
and how I called you "momzie" (but did

142. oceans between usi miss you
like how
the rain
misses the
sunlight,
but tomorrow
i'll be
better
like how
all the dust
is washed
away.

HopelessI am hopeless
Hopelessly in love with you
But you don't knnow
And if you knew
Then you would not care at all
I am hopeless
Hopelessly in love with you
And it makes me tear up
Just thinking about it
And I cry both on the inside
And on the outside
When I think of you
I love you! T_T

Sorry (helpless)I'm sorry for leaving you
you didn't really need me
I couldn't have helped you
you were too far gone
and so used to be being alone
I just couldn't take you home
It would have been lieing to you
I didn't want to use you
I knew you wanted me
but I didn't want you
but played along, am I cruel?
I said everything you wanted to hear
until the day I said what your feared
"let's break up"
I'm not sorry for that
I'm sorry because I couldn't help you

AloneSo lonely
So misunderstood
So unsure
A crowded room
Yet I feel isolated
Why?
A faceless crowd
Should mean nothing to me
And yet,
It brings out my deepest fears
My most melancholy thoughts
Air escapes me
And suffocates me all the same
I can't wait to go home
To my lover
To my best friend
To my razor
It's all I have left
Other then my thoughts
Which lead to one thing
Suicide
The beautiful paradise
Many fear
Many hate
Yet I love
I dream of the painful truth
As if it was beautiful
Death
I shall meet you soon
I love you.

How?I was saying I felt depressed.
I was using glass to stratch myself for a while.
I had suicidal thoughts.
I drew butterflies.
I felt alone and abandoned.

How did I not click that I had depression until August 2012...

How is it that... I told my friend, which is ment to being a good thing.
Lead on to cutting...

How did telling most of my friends...
Lead to a set date?

How did telling someone... seeking help...
change that set date by a month?

How did nearly 2 month of no cutting...
Just made me hate myself more?

EchoHello?
Is there anyone out there,
A single soul,
Someone who might care?
Hello?
I-I don’t know where to go;
Is it only me,
Or is there an echo?
It is all I know to say
While I desperately plead-
Can’t stop pleading-
But I’m also bleeding
In a familiar pain
Synonymous
With loneliness’s name.
Hello?
Why can no one hear my cry?
I feel as if I am going to die
Without ever being heard.
Did I lose my voice
And fail to even realize?
I am growing hoarse,
And I doubt that things
Could get much worse.
Honestly, silence never got me
Very far-but now I see
That screaming my throat sore
Does not do much more;
Why should I bother,

The world I knowThe world I know

Through my eyes
I see everything
I see the lies
and the happy things.
But for today the world
I have no hope
it is no longer moraled
and everyone should be tied with rope.
My view is grimm
my view is damp
but everyone is dim
and i know none thatis but a cramp.
you may not like it
but this is how
I see the bit
of the world I know.

I wan't to be here, for you.Is it really that hard?
All I want to do... All I've ever wanted to do was to make everyone happy.
I'm sorry I'm trying to help.
I'm sorry for giving you all my time and attention...
You say no body cares about you, but I do!
Wake up from your dream, open your eyes and smile that toothy grin my heart has been dreading to see.

Don't push me away.

Please.

please.

I wan't to be here.

AloneA world full of light and dark
But nothing for me
No matter how many friends try
I remain alone.

A world full of laughter and tears
But empty for me
No matter who's right there
I remain alone.

For me, myself and I
Life isn't a party
Love isn't a fairytale
World isn't a stage
Because those require others too.

Maybe it's my fault
I can't take any action
I can't tell her I love her
I can't do what they need
But maybe it's just who things are.

I'm Still LaughingIt really is quite funny.

How one second I'm in tears,
over how I don't know whether to live or die.
Then I'm making cruel cruel jokes about when I'm going to commit suicide.

I am true bitch.
An total shit.

I had a nap.
And woke up in the shittest mood.

Stressed out.
Made me spill shit.
Then depressed and angry and pissed at myself.
Then fucking alone. Because I depend on my friends and have to talk 24/7 with them.

I have wanted to die for the past, what 4 months.
Full on poof, ding, pop, boom, gone.

But it's only resently I reaslised I'm too much of a parnoid piece of crap to kill myself.
No I'd have to go out and do everything under

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My love

by !xxxlovelesssoulxxx, Dec 30, 2012, 3:57:20 PM
Literature / Poetry / Emotional / Free Verse

The stars in the sky
They can't compare to you
The money on the world
Won't buy you
My heart shines
Only for you
I cry when we're away
Just don't stay away
From me

275

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My loveby !xxxlovelesssoulxxx

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A poem for

I LOVE YOU SARAHHH <3333

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Submitted on: December 30, 2012
File Size: 323 bytes

Views: 275
Favourites: 16 (who?)
Comments: 44
Downloads: 1

~echotheoutsider101 Dec 31, 2012

Well written poem

But I've noticed something.... Why do you not reply to the Deviants that question you about Hopeless?? I don't mean to pry, I mean, you seem like a reasonably nice guy, but I'm curious. You politely respond to people when they compliment your work, but you don't answer questions about your supposed girlfriend. Respectfully, may I ask why?

Anyways, keep up the good work.

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!xxxlovelesssoulxxx Dec 31, 2012 Hobbyist Traditional Artist

I haven't noticed questions about Sarah. Sorry I sort of just scan through comments. And thank you :3

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~echotheoutsider101 Dec 31, 2012

Oh no problem I was just wondering- Is she the same in real life as she is on DeviantArt? She seems like a lot to handle.

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!xxxlovelesssoulxxx Dec 31, 2012 Hobbyist Traditional Artist

I've only been on deviantart for a day so I don't really know. In real life she's got sort of a short temper and can be pretty impulsive but other than that she's awesome and nice

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~echotheoutsider101 Dec 31, 2012

Haha I can agree on the short tempered part, but I've unfortunately haven't seen the nice part :/ I really hope that changes soon, you seem like such a nice guy.

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!xxxlovelesssoulxxx Dec 31, 2012 Hobbyist Traditional Artist

Thanks c:

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~XXSelfDestructXX Dec 31, 2012 Hobbyist General Artist

Can I just ask you, do you approve of her horrible grammar and mean little "critiques?" -__-

I'm sorry, I'm not saying you shouldn't date her, she just really ticks me off sometimes...

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!xxxlovelesssoulxxx Dec 31, 2012 Hobbyist Traditional Artist

What critiques? And her grammar is just text talk

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~XXSelfDestructXX Dec 31, 2012 Hobbyist General Artist

look at her critiques on her page. They're so mean! :L

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!xxxlovelesssoulxxx Dec 31, 2012 Hobbyist Traditional Artist

Ikr :/

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